I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “Being close only matters in horseshoes and hand grenades”. Well… I came close to renting a house when we went to Boston last week… very close. We put in an application on a house, submitted a deposit of the first and last month’s rent, and waited. After a few days the landlord rejected our application because we didn’t have steady employment. I don’t blame her. I probably would have said no too.
So, here we are… back at the beginning.
I’ve heard lots of supportive things like “God has a better plan” or “I guess you just weren’t supposed to live there”. Those things are really great and positive, but don’t change the fact that we are stepping out on a limb and doing what we feel like God called us to and aren’t finding anything. This has been a really discouraging week. Fortunately I’ve been wrapped up in an enormous video project so I haven’t had time to sit and think as much as I am inclined to.
Last night around 11PM I started to break down a little bit. Leah encouraged me to go for a walk. I walked around the block twice and started to go back to the house. I felt this weird urge to walk around the block one more time… so I did. I came to a section of the walk that brought me to a downward-sloping hill. As I began my descent down the hill I felt like I should close my eyes as I walk. So, in the middle of the night on a dark street while walking down a hill, I closed my eyes. I took about 8 or 9 steps before I pushed my eyes open out of sheer panic.
Then, after I got back to the house, I sat outside and thought for a few minutes. Then God showed me something.
He showed me that this trip to Boston is like walking with your eyes closed. He showed me that I am too scared of walking into something uncertain to trust God. He showed me that I need to trust Him more.
So… yeah… that is where I am now. I am constantly fighting off the urge to freak out and worry while trying to trust God to provide like He always does. It’s a tough place to be, but there is no place that I would rather be than following God into a new adventure.