I thrive on compliments. I’m the guy whose initial reaction to someone else’s commendation is always to wonder why I’m not noticed for my hard work and accomplishments. I take things too personally and let my pride get in the way of loving people. This attitude makes it especially difficult for me to run sound in a church.
At a live event, people have very high expectations for the PA system. If the system is too loud, too quiet, if there is feedback, if there is too much bass, if the wireless microphone goes out… people notice. If the mix is perfect and the equipment operates flawlessly, people accept it as “the way it should be”. Sound people have to have a thick skin.
When you take into consideration the fact that I have insecure pride issues and I work in an environment that doesn’t stroke my ego, you could imagine that I spend a lot of time seeking things that don’t actually build me up as a Christian. I waste a lot of time being bitter and resentful. Fortunately I have a wife that helps me out of those holes and into repentance. However, I have never been able to fully get over myself.
So when I made a cool video last week (it really was pretty awesome) that got me a lot of recognition in the church, you would think that my pride itch would have been scratched. I had everyone imaginable coming up to me to say how much they liked it. At first this was very fulfilling. It made me feel good to know that my hard work had been noticed. But I noticed something frightening…
Last night at the Good Friday Tenebrae service, someone was talking about how good my video was. Then I literally thought to myself “Its a good thing that I’m handling this humbly because I could be under some serious temptation.” …How insane is that?
I was sitting there, filled up with self-importance and I started praising myself for being humble.
Pride is at the root of most of the horrible stuff that happens in our world. Pride tells us that we aren’t really addicted to pornography… porn addiction for for creeps and perverts. Pride tells us that our drunkenness isn’t as bad as that of homeless people because we can hold down a job and keep our family around. Pride keeps the hearts of sinful men from repentance. Pride keeps us from realizing just how much we need Jesus’ crucifixion. Pride keeps doors to progress tightly shut.
Please don’t comment this post and say anything positive about me as a person. I don’t need any more temptation.